i want to talk about um

the mental health of being a trader  because you know being a trader is

a great job in terms of the money you make but  there's a darker side to that sometimes you know

you know i remember

on the trading floor people become traders because  they want to make money you know what i mean

and i became a trader because  i wanted to make money and

it's almost all men on these training floors  or at least it was when i worked there

and there's so much like ambition and  so much determination to be successful

and so much drive but to be honest like a lot  of the time what people want is they just want

drive they want success they want money they don't  really care how they make it and um it can drive

men into like such a competitive space you  know what i mean like there was this one time

when i just first started as a trader like i was  getting to know the traders on the desk and um

one of the guys on my team he took me out drinking  one evening and he went out late late into the

evening and it got to like 1AM and i was like i  gotta go home and we used to start work at 7 in

the morning you know i was like i want to go home  and he was like no stay out stay at mine you know

we can have like a big night and i stayed out we  stayed up all night and by the time i got to work

i was absolutely smashed like i was like super  hungover i went to the bathroom and i threw up

and then my boss sent me home and i was like oh  my god i'm gonna get fired but i came in super

early the next day and then my boss came in and  he said to me about the senior trader i went out

with he said did that guy do that to you last  night and i just laughed i didn't say anything

then the senior trader came in and the  boss the first thing he said to him was

Gary said you did that to him and then this guy  right i remember at the time i used to sit on the

edge of the desk and there was an empty seat to  the next of me and beyond that was this guy who

i went out with and he was like in his early 30s  he was a big guy he played rugby right big guy

right and um i was sitting there doing my work  on a computer and i turn around and look at him

the guy was looking at me straight in my face like  this and he was growling like a wolf like this  *grrr grrr*

and then under the desk was like was the computer  but they were behind like a pair of doors and he

was growling and he was kicking these doors *BAM* like that on the training floor you know what i mean

and that's when i realized like man there's some  crazy guys in this space you know what i mean like

but this same guy i remember my very first day  at work i went to have lunch from the canteen,

had lunch, come back and he said to me where  have you been i said I've been to the canteen

he said I've worked here for 12 years i never once  had lunch with a canteen we eat lunch on the desk

that was on my first day there right and i see  like they're trying to sort of haze you into a

space where you feel like your responsibility is  there have to be on the desk, have to be all the

time and like when you're working on the trading  floor there's all these sounds there's all these

noises going off and like at 12:30 whatever  inflation for the UK is coming out and then 13:30

employment date for the US is coming out  the guy would turn up behind me and be like

what was the US inflation data? and it had just  come out one minute before you know what i mean

and you're like **** i don't know i don't know and  you feel like you have to know you have to know

like and you you get into this situation where you  start to feel like you need to know every single

thing that's happening all the time you know  what i mean and when you become a big trader

like you've got these trades running for your book  all the time all the time you have to check them

people will book wrong trades into your book to  try and take money off you have to check them

you have to go and get the money back you start to  feel like you're surrounded by wolves in a sense

and i remember this one time eventually when  i was becoming a really successful trader i

was able to hire my own junior trader and i  hired this young guy Italian guy a nice guy

and he was my junior in 2011 which was the year  that i became the most profitable trader in the

bank and you know he thought that i was, that was  great because he was a junior for the most profitable

trader in the bank you know what i mean but he  was quite critical of me sometimes and he said

to me listen Gary i think you're a great trader  but you've got a problem with your personality

which is your too homo homini lupus that's  what he said and i was like what the?

homo homini lupus? He goes homo homini lupus  is Latin it means a man is wolf to man

and i was like what do you mean what are you  talking about he goes you think you're surrounded

by wolves you think everyone is a wolf and i said  look at this place look at where you are look at

the people around you i think i'm surrounded  by wolves because i am surrounded by wolves

and then i think in hindsight that's probably a  sign that he was exactly right his criticism of

what he was saying you know what i mean but um you  know i loved my time on the trading floor in some

senses i worked with some amazing people i learned  so much about economics about how the world works

but i definitely internalize this sense that the  world is full of wolves and people are out to get

you people are out to take your money and it's a  competition and that in turn this understanding

that the world is full of wolves that fed the  wolf inside of me and in a sense i became a wolf

and i was out there to take other people's  money on the floor you know what i mean

and i was out there to be the best myself you know  i mean that year 2011 when i made a lot of money

i was working with another trader who was  much older he was already a very rich guy

and um he wasn't on the desk a lot he  would go out you know he'd go out drinking

you know and this and then one time he lost a lot  of money while he was off the desk and that year

i was making a lot of money and he thought that  i should give him money back and i was like nah

it's not happening you know what i mean because  for me it was just about me and my space and

my money and i was making that money to get  my family out of the ghetto you know i mean

but what i want to talk about is that drive  that drives us as young men to be successful

and how powerful it can be but also how  damaging it can be that it can become

completely all-consuming and suddenly you can  start viewing other people as purely competition

and then that can just destroy your own mental  health because ultimately we are social creatures

and we need to be able to trust one another and if  we can't do that then we're not going to be happy

and i remember after the end of 2011 and that  was the year i was the best trader in the bank

in early 2012 i got my bonus and like in the  second half of 2011 all i could think about

was this bonus because this is like winning  the lottery you know it's going to take me

and my family it's going to change my life  my family's life for all of the whole future

and then i was obsessed with getting this  bonus getting this bonus is all i cared about

and then in the beginning of 2012 it happened  i got the bonus um and it was so much money

it's gonna change my life you know but i didn't  feel happy at all the first thing i thought was

i have to make this money secure i have to make  sure it's all well invested i have to make it

safe that's all i thought about it didn't give me  no joy and i went back home and i pulled open my

computer and i had all my paperwork and i got all  my spreadsheets out and i was like thinking this

money is going to go here that money's going to  go there like it's all going to be secure and then

the girl who i was seeing at the time she was  a fantastic girl and she come to my house and

and then she saw me there sitting in the corner  doing all my paper doing all my spreadsheets

and she said um what you doing and i said um well  i'm you know i'm doing all my spreadsheets i've

got to figure out how to invest this money and  she was like oh you seem pretty stressed and i

was like of course i'm stressed it's a lot of  money this is important you know what i mean

and then she said to me if i made  as much money as what you just made

the last thing i'll be doing is sitting in  the corner of my living room stressing out

and um i realized she was obviously  she was right she was right that um

the money it wasn't making me happy it was  just pulling me away from where i came from

and the people that i grew up with and from  everything that i knew and all it was doing was

giving me stress but at the same time i totally  understand that it's that money that gives me the

power to do what i'm doing now to devote my life  and my time to trying to talk about economics and

trying to talk about inequality so it's  a flip side of it but what i'm saying is

i don't want to live in a world where you have  to choose you know where the only way to get the

freedom to do meaningful work is to like make  a crazy amount of money i wanna live in a world

where ordinary people can get enough money  from ordinary jobs that if they want to take

some time out to do meaningful work they can you  know i mean i don't want to live in a world where

i have to choose between being an ordinary person  and having financial security i want to be an

ordinary person and have financial security i want  to have financial security and live in the world

with other people that come from where i'm from  with financial security you know so that's what

i'm saying well that's why i do the work that i do  because i want i know that we can have that kind

of world we can have a world where ordinary people  can get financial security i'm not saying it's

going to be a paradise but we can make an economy  where ordinary people if they're willing to work

and get financial security we had that 50 years  ago we had that 60 years ago i don't want to be

in a space where my kids are in my situation where  they have to choose either to live in this like

niche world of wealthy people that don't know the  real world or to struggle you know what i'm saying

but yeah the last i wanted to add on this  subject of mental health is that like um

i was very successful by the metrics of the  way a lot of people view success for men

i made a lot of money you know i had a  beautiful girlfriend i had a nice apartment

but i struggled in a lot of ways um it was  really difficult for me quitting my job and

like i felt really separated from where i came  from and the people that i knew um so when i

see young men out there struggling struggling  hard to make money to make money to make money

i understand it because it was me and i did it  but um i also want those people to realize that

money alone is not happiness and there's so many  other things which are important and which people

should be grateful for like friendship and like  family um and i wish we didn't live in a world

where it was so difficult just to get that  basic amount of money you need to feel safe

and i totally understand people are going  to push and push and push till they get that

but at the same time i want people to understand  that the world that we live in is unfair and it's

difficult and there's a lot of luck involved to  be honest and if you are not making as much money

as you want that doesn't mean you're a failure you  know i come from a poor family and i don't look up

to anyone more than i look up to my dad because he  worked every day and he gave us what we needed and

even though he was poor the biggest problems in  my life was never about money you know what i mean

the most important thing is having a  happiness having that secure family around you

but when you do go through difficult  times like i did i think the most

important thing is to remember that you're not  surrounded by wolves even if you think you are

there will be people around you who will  be willing to just be there and support you

and if you feel that there's no one  there right now then someone will come

and um when those people are there it's  really important to reach out to them i

think that's the thing that's gonna keep  you sane in the difficult times and um

when things get really really difficult and  you can't reach out and feel that you can't

the most important thing to do at that time is  to just hold on until things get better because

they will like when you hit the bottom you  can't go further you can only bounce back up

and if you reach a point where you  feel that you you can't hold on

that's the time when you really have to hold  on and that's what's going to determine like

that's what's going to turn you into  a man i think if you can do that

you cannot be surprised when these people turn  to crime and these people turn to dangerous means

of getting it if the best people were in the best  jobs then they've come from all throughout society

but right now they all come from the  same schools and the same families